Wednesday, May 27, 2015

i feel stupid

Just now I read back my old blog post, which is totally eww, hahah. I’m planning on to delete all the lame posts, yup I will soon, but now I just wanted to write, write everything that have been inside my head.

First thing first, I’m just recovered from stressfulness condition due to my psm2, so what I did is I just let myself fail in that subject this semester, yup, there is how it goes. Maybe a little sacrifice for my own sake, kalau tak I will be end up crazy kot, only god knows how I feel. Don’t say I don’t feel anything about that, I just don’t chose to overthink actually.

Alhamdulillah, I just turned 22. Can’t wait to turn 30 soon, hahah. Kalau panjang umur insya allah. Most of my friend are already settled down. Some of them got engaged. Some of them got married. Some of them have to get married, if you know what I mean. Apart from being single, I also being a part time uncertified counselor. Hell yeah, I love that, hahah. No lah, it just that one of my roommate really into an adult conversation, so I just shown her how matured I can be, hahah. I don’t know. Is it I’m just aging too fast? Because I already sketch my path for my future. And I kind of love it very much.

Well, recently I have been told by my other friend that one of my friend tell her she is hurt because of me. That sometimes my jokes doesnt suit her and what I’ve said sometimes broke her heart. Honestly, I’m just being honest because that is me. But if it doesn’t suit for her, it’s okay because I can’t change myself just to get fit with people. Because if I do, that was just me fucking faking myself.  I thought that she understood me, but I was wrong. I know why.  Because I can’t predict people. Because I’m not a fortune teller. Maybe I’m not being a good friend. But believe me everything I did before is sincere. All the good times that we have is true. Sorry because always hurt you with the truth. But I think, the best way is I’m avoiding you so that you will not get hurt anymore by me.

Me? I just have to accept that not everything that I do is acceptable. But everything happens, shows me clearly who is actually can stand with me. And I totally appreciated that. Thanks for stay. And you know who you are.


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